Marginalization is a new word for me. I had never heard of this term before studying the ten traits of a narcissistic parent. Marginalization is the result of a parent which is threatened by their offspring’s potential, promise, and success, as they challenge the parent’s self-esteem.
The behaviors of this type of disorder are as follows: nit-picking, unreasonable judgment and criticisms, unfavorable comparisons, invalidation of positive attitudes and emotions, and rejection of success and accomplishments.
I have been the victim of marginalization by both of my parents.
I remember when I was a teenager. I was anorexic and I was sitting in our kitchen. My mother said, “In most families the youngest child is the best looking. Not so in ours.”
Needless to say, I was the youngest in our family. I believe she was trying to bully me into eating more. Btw I was also a beauty pageant winner so I don’t know who she was trying to fool,
For those who have anorexic children let me give you a heads up about that disease. It is a result of bullying and rejection. More negativity lashed out does nothing to cure the disease. Getting away from the toxicity is the only cure.
I had great expectations for my first novel, The Shattered Vase.
I knew that this novel would do awesome things to expand the kingdom of God. I had been assured by a revelation of the Holy Spirit that it would increase my income. This realization hasn’t happened yet but that does not decrease my faith that it will happen.
When I mentioned to my mother that I thought my book was going to be a great income producer she laughed and said, “The only way you are ever going to be rich is if me and your dad both die and you get an inheritance.”
For those of you who wonder, my parents are not that wealthy, but they are certainly more than proud about what they do have.
That is marginalization in its most evil form. Exalting yourself and destroying another in your wake is what marginalization is.
MARGINALIZATION CAN HURT A MARRIAGE.
My ex-husband came from a very hard working family. My family was also very diligent in working. However, my ex-husband’s dad was not blessed with good money management skills. My dad was.
As a result, my ex did not have any savings when we got married. He was very intelligent and I knew he had the potential to be a success. He is very successful now.
My mother did not see him in this light.
She constantly told me that the only reason he married me was to get their money.
My ex surely didn’t marry me because I was beautiful and kind, which I am. No, he married me for my parents money according to her.
I swallowed that lie for many years and threw that in my ex-husband’s face many times.
It didn’t occur to me that this was a blatant lie from the devil.
To tell your child that the only reason someone loves them is because they want your money is just wicked and cruel. It is the height of self absorption and narcissism.
MARGINALIZATION CAN HURT YOUR CAREER
My dad was usually encouraging to me… except for when I needed him most.
I shared with my dad my hopes for my novel, The Shattered Vase. He laughed and said I should only expect a moderate increase in income but not to expect much.
So, to say I was wrote in a supportive environment would be to tell a lie.
I have read in novels where families were supportive of authors and the authors gushed about how loved they felt. I thought, “Wow! My family is horrible!”
But today I read in a thread of aspiring authors that most families don’t even read their books. They get little to no support from their families or friends.
My mother did actually buy six books! She even read mine till the end.
So, at least I got that.
My friends, on the other hand, have been amazing! Most of my good friends have bought my book. Some of them have read it and some of them haven’t. Some of them have passed the book on to other friends. (It is getting mileage, let me tell you!)
I have several friends that have allowed me to post my blog posts and promotions for The Shattered Vase on their Facebook group page. One of my friends even said that I was the only one that he allowed to promote a product on his page.
Wow! That made me feel so good!
As Jesus said when his family called him “crazy”, these people here are my brothers and sisters in Christ. They are my family.
At times I feel more loved and accepted by my friends than my family. I imagine most people go through times like that.
So, am I going to disown my family?
No, not a chance. If I disown them I would miss out on so much and they would be crushed. I, instead try to understand them and where they are coming from.
My mother was a painter and a pretty darn good one at that. She always acted like her paintings were something special.
I could have cared less!
I just wanted her to get back to cooking because she could cook the most yummy food ever!
In the same way, I think my book is a masterpiece.
The reason why is because I co authored it with God. If you don’t know who God is… well, He is the author of the number one bestseller of all time!
His book is called the Bible!
I am pretty darn good at that co-author picking thing if you ask me!
My family does not have to praise my writing, their world does not need to revolve around mine. If they don’t want to read my book that is their loss, not mine.
I still love them.
But as far as the success of my writing career goes?