Being a single parent and dating is a very treacherous path to tread. For you not only have to consider your own needs but also the safety of your children.
Children are highly perceptive, and I think it is always wise to consider their opinion, but trust your gut more than anything.
Besides that, I think it is important to listen to the Holy Spirit and also Christian friends. In the following story, I did everything wrong, and yet, I was assured of endless love.
I met the man when I was nursing. He was an editor for a nursing magazine. I loved to write about my walk with Christ, so I figured I might like to write about my occupation.
So, I met with him and found his sense of humor to be charming. I love to laugh, and this man could get me doubled over with laughter.
However, I heard counsel from the Holy Spirit about this man. He said, “He was toxic, and he didn’t care whether or not I was successful.” Anyone who knows me knows I am very driven to be a success as a Christian author.
At the time, I was dating several wonderful men, but I chose to be exclusive with this man. The one whom God had warned me about. I walked away from God and, in doing so, walked right into the embrace of toxicity and rejection.
Soon, I realized there was something wrong. He was like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. During the day, when he was working, he was fairly nice and fun. In the evening, when he started drinking, he turned into a monster. He didn’t think he had a problem with alcohol because he didn’t drink while he was working. Alas, the joy of denial, which deludes so many into thinking they do not have a problem with alcohol.
I would share with my friends the hurtful things he would say, trying to figure out how I could change the dynamic of this relationship. They all encouraged me to walk away from him. Somehow, I couldn’t.
I even lost a cherished friend because of this because she could not suffer for me to be treated in such a horrible manner.
My family members were concerned as well. I could not break the bond that this man had over me. I kept going back to him as if I was addicted to the rejection and toxicity, which was so prevalent.
Then the dreams started coming. I dreamt I found a rattlesnake in his yard, and instead of running away from it, I approached it. The venomous snake reared its head and infused its poison into my leg.
I had another dream. He lived off of a lake and the lake had dried up and become a barren and cracked wasteland. I knew this was symbolic of what would happen to my Christian ministry if I continued to date this man. And yet, I continued on.
I don’t remember this man saying anything positive to me, even when I had written a stellar piece for his magazine. It was just one insult after another, and my self-confidence was diminishing rapidly. I was told I was evil and selfish.
Then one night in the still of the night, I heard a voice say, “You are good.” The whisper of the Holy Spirit gently invading my sleep with a love so powerful it could break the stronghold of rejection, which had haunted me from childhood.
But that was not all. By nature, I am a clean person. I am very hygienic, but I normally have a slight bit of clutter in my home. This man could not understand why I was like that because apparently, his mother was not like that.
The night after the whisper, I had another dream. There was a piece of paper before me and a pencil, which wrote, “You are who you are.” I believe that was written by the God who said in Exodus 3:14,” “I AM WHO I AM.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.'”
I had walked away from God. I had disobeyed him in so many ways and yet, this wonderful being whom I consider my heavenly Father has only one thing to give me. His endless love. Soon after, I broke up with this man who was toxic and walked back into the loving embrace of my wonderful Father, wondering why I had ever walked away.
